If you’re into dating a submissive woman or man, you’ve come to the right place. Here, you’ll find the pros and cons of such a relationship and 4 really useful and important tips that will help you date your submissive partner successfully.
What’s it like dating a submissive?
- The dominant partner doesn’t have all the power in such couples. This is one of the most common myths about this kind of relationship, but it’s far from reality—in a healthy D/S relationship, the boundaries are defined by a submissive partner, and the relationship itself is based on the sub’s desires and needs.
- It’s not as rare as one might think. According to some studies, around 11% of American women and 14% of American men have engaged in BDSM. This doesn’t necessarily mean that 11% of American women are in a sub/dom relationship, but it’s still a large number.
- Submissive women lack self-esteem—it’s a myth, in fact, playing a submissive role has nothing to do with low self-esteem in a healthy relationship. There might be some links, but it’s not a rule, and for most submissive women, it’s about sexual preferences, not about lacking self-respect.
- People who are into such a relationship are often more open and more secure in their relationships. If you trust each other (it’s impossible not to trust each other when you’re into such a relationship), you’ll feel secure and more trusted than in a “vanilla” relationship.
- If you love to take control over everything and to be worshiped, this is a perfect type of relationship for you. Basically, the desire to hold power and to be worshiped are pretty common reasons why lots of men are into dating a submissive girl.
- People who are into such a relationship have more opportunities to please their partners sexually. There are more sexual experiments in such a relationship, such couples have more “non-vanilla” options and ways to please each other, etc.
- The number of potential partners is pretty limited, which means it might be pretty difficult for you to find submissive women. There are lots of niche dating apps with many women, but you can’t just find a submissive partner among your female friends or at work.
- The dating pool is even more limited for those searching for submissive men. A few decades ago, we thought of a man when we heard the word “dominant”, and even though the situation is slowly changing, it’s still not that easy to find a submissive man who would be into this kind of relationship.
- If both partners are not all-in, this might lead to relationship problems. It’s common when a dominant man makes a woman ignore her own needs, even if she doesn’t actually want it. This can result in being abused and forced into sexual acts, and that’s surely not how a healthy relationship works.
Successful tips on dating a submissive
Dating a submissive is an interesting experience, but it’s not that easy. If you’re one of those “normal” guys who don’t know how this kind of relationship works, the following tips might be useful for you.
- Establish the boundaries. When you’re in a relationship with a submissive partner, it’s extremely important to establish boundaries in order to understand the limits of your partner and to treat them exactly how they want to be treated. It’s all about communication, actually—you’ll need to discuss the boundaries in advance to make your relationship healthier.
- Be a trustworthy partner. That’s how a healthy dominant/submissive relationship works—you need to show that you’re a trustworthy person to make your partner relax and be sure that your relationship is still dominant-submissive, not an abusive one. Most women and men who are into the kink world want to trust their partners and to be trusted just as “regular” guys and girls who are into vanilla relationships.
- Communicate with your partner. As we said before, it’s always about communication—you’ll need to communicate to improve your play session, to gain trust, to discuss the safe word, etc. A long-term relationship with a submissive person can’t be built without open and honest communication.
- Determine if such a relationship is right for you. Be honest with yourself and with your partner. Is it actually the sub/dom relationship you’re looking for in the long-term or is it just a kink you wanted to try? What do you really want from a partner? How much sub/dom do you actually want in your life and in your relationship? It’s important to answer all these questions before you even start it.
As you can see, like all other types of relationships, dating a submissive requires mutual respect, a clear understanding of your partner’s needs, and fire between them. However, such relationships also require defining boundaries of all do and don’t.